September 14, 2009

These Feelings are New and I am not so sure if I like it.....

I am emotionally challenged (well under-developed would be more proper and yes, I am also my own shrink). My best buddies really like to throw me this line regarding my all-seem-to-obvious flaw of character, “You’re just so insensitive…” . I never really mind or offended or anything, cause it is the truth. I admitted that I am just plain ignorant. I couldn’t care less.

I was so insensitive that I never felt, heard, or saw a ghost before even though the room I rent was infested with one or maybe more (with more than five friends experience sightings, goosebump, and unidentifiable noises). Or out of 12 people in my girl-scouting days, I am the only one who only see nothing but trees and no tall scary thing swinging from its branch.

THANKS to these BLOSSOMING feelings, I think I kinda met some sort of huge incubi/succubi try to, I dunno whatever they actually do. But I experience similar symptoms from tales of my much more “sensitive friends” that includes minor asphyxia, numbing weight, and seeing a huge black thing. And I got really pissed so I punch him/her/it in the face and waiting for it to comeback and demand some retaliation ( I was finally able to sleep after three days straight due to my asthma attack and how fucking dare it/he/she destroys it).

Well, the real truth is I was INCAPABLE to feel proper sadness or disappointment and failure and all that downers. I WAS a VERY happy-go-lucky kinda girl with no worries about anything and go lalalalala-ing almost everyday. That at least until recently.

I found myself amazed at first when I found myself turning a to touchy and grumpy hag with runny tear duct, who cries while looking at flowers blooming or sunset (I over exaggerate here). I used to cry twice a year and that is from while watching La Vita e Bella or Happy (I am prone by a show of happiness in unfavorable condition, okay!). Now it could be twice a week!

Perhaps it happens because I have a very sensitive and empathic bf that somehow has infected me with the seeds of sorrow. But I shouldn’t blame anybody for my own berserk behaving hormones.
So I try to get some other point of view, and one of my open-minded aunt thinks that my intellectual growth and emotional side are in great disparity because I was lead out to be independent at too early age (she also thinks that her son is just the opposite). I understand how the world works without being able to measure it with different sets of feelings. That’s why , she thought, I am still pretty much clueless with no sense of settling down.

She might have been right.

I just realized there are BOYS and GIRLS and could really tell the difference at 15. My first crush at 17. still treat toddlers, teenagers, and geezers pretty much the same. I mean they’re just PEOPLE. I pretty much feels the same about s for plants or puppy or poo. They’re just STUFFS.

I only started to HATE, GET SAD, and DISAPPOINTED very recently. I never really hate people before, I’ll just ignore them, now I have at least three persons that I would instantly kick from my house of they ever try (except for one, they didn’t really do anything wrong, they are just biatch au naturell). And these new not –so-fuzzy-things is very bothersome….

I don’t like it.

I ‘d chose carefree carelessness than supernatural incidents any day.

PS: I took those personality test on facebook and the result was I am mentally still a toddler

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